Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Love and The Joy Of Hurting

by Barbara MacDonald (writer), CANADA , July 31, 2012

Credit: unknown
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.Kahlil Gibran
watch the video

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

I know all of us have struggled with losing someone we love dearly. Some more then others. I found this and thought there was great comfort in these words. I hope they have the same effect on you. Love never dies, it lives in our memories forever. How could it be that someone who was part of your soul just disappears? Life is energy. Love is life. There is no way to put out energy, so therefore it follows that love is eternal also.

"Do you like what you do?" she asked me.

"I write about happy things," I said.

"Wait a minute. I've read your work. You made me cry sometimes," she said.

"That makes me happy," I replied.

"Well, that's sick," she said smiling.

"I don't make people cry by hurting them. They often cry from the hurt they have already. When I first started writing, people would reply telling me that they cried. I wrote back every time to apologize until I one day realized what a privilege it was."

She still looked at me oddly.

"You see, something I was inspired to write touched someone in such a way as to draw from them an emotion. They, the reader, actually permitted me, trusted me to enter into their very being that day and release the pain or joy associated with my story."

"So, I let you in?"

"No, God did. He used that moment to connect us. There was something you needed to feel and something He wanted me to say."

"Then why do we hurt so much?"


How much we hurt is often in relationship to how much we love. The same can be said about happiness. How much happiness there is in our lives depends on how much love we have not only for those around us, but for life itself.

Like the death of a loved one.

Such loss is a pain we all endure many times in our lives. Why? Because we love. But the great thing about love is, it never ceases, even after the final goodbye.

Love continues. It does not cease to exist because someone has died. I believe it is not the memory of someone gone, but the love of someone that sustains us. Love is more than remembering. Love is first a decision of the mind and then a commitment of the heart.

A few years ago, someone wrote to me asking "When will I stop hurting?"

At that time there seemed to be a number of people who were struggling with loss.

I have recently become aware that some of my "friends I've never met," are hurting.

This struck such a chord with me for a few reasons. Many times over the years I have felt bad because I have made many people I have worked with cry also. I use to say to myself "Barbara you did it again, you always need to go so deep. Why do you do that?" Then very much like this man is saying, I realized this truly was a gift and a privilege to share something on such a deep level with another human being. That somehow , they had trusted me enough to enter into their very being. Into the core of their pain and emotion. The one thing I hope is that somehow I will be able to find the "right" words to say to bring some closure to that emotion.

Permit me to share this story with you :

When will I stop hurting?
By Bob Perks

"I lost a loved one nearly a year ago. When will I stop hurting?"

The question was simple but difficult to answer. She was challenging me. I wanted to help her, but I knew that only she could answer that question.

Whenever someone writes to tell me about a death, I always talk about the difficult months ahead. I refer to it as a "Year of Firsts." The first holiday, birthday, anniversary, summer picnic or other personal event without that loved one.

Then there are those little things you never really paid attention to before, but now find a gaping hole right in the middle of your day. Like the time they woke up each morning, how they had their coffee, the sound the door made around dinner time when they arrived home and the way they said "hello."

But there was something about this message today that made me stop and really think about what I needed to say. Oddly, I decided that the pain she was feeling was a good thing, but I wasn't sure she wanted to know that.

Here is exactly what I wrote to her: When will you stop hurting? That is a measure of the love you shared and how does one measure love? By remembering them long after they are gone. "Memories" are the shadows of a life well lived that remain long after the light of their being has gone out. May you never forget. "Pain" is the echo of remembering those special moments when all the world belonged to the both of you. The day will come when the pain of remembering turns into understanding the privilege of ever having them in your life at all. Remembering will be a joy. Although the pain is great at times you are reminded still, how very much you loved and were loved.

May the rest of your life be a reflection of that love and when your time comes may your passing cast long shadows for all who loved you, too.
Bob Perks
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My final thought . . .

When I die . . .

Bury me not in a cold dark grave. Bury me deep within your heart. I will live forever there.
"I believe in You!"
~ Bob Perks ~

About the Writer

Barbara MacDonald is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

3 comments on Love and The Joy Of Hurting

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By Barbara MacDonald on August 01, 2012 at 08:40 am

Thank you Tony...:-)

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By Uttam Gill on August 02, 2012 at 12:53 am

Barb this is an excellently blog... Over the setbacks we all mourn and nothing is as mournful as getting hurt in love...In the catchment area of our thoughts we build a huge repertoire of belief that hurt is significantly exist for us only. As a matter of fact it is not...In unilateral mode one tries and defines the things with substantial inputs to raise ones soul and demeans others... That’s how they wish to live...they just don’t give up...relentlessly they goes on and on... Unknowingly they are hurting themselves and that’s really very hurtful...

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 2
By Betty B. on August 06, 2012 at 05:29 am


 Report abuse

Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.

Rate This Article

Your vote matters to us