Thursday, July 19, 2018

Peeing in a library

Life in America is one big toilet adventure. Are plumbers the most rich people here (well, probably after politicians and Hollywood stars)?

I wouldn’t ever think that the United States are so much different than Europe. Nobody told me that it is actually a bilingual country. Why did I study English so nicely and didn’t care about Spanish even a bit? I speak a perfect Czech but that’s not going to make me a fortune. Just so you know, at school they don’t teach us words like plumbing, drain, sewer, pipes, clog, overflow, which I consider as a necessary vocabulary now.

When I came to New York, I didn’t feel like Alice in Wonderland – yet. That magical feeling got me, and keeps getting me, in Los Angeles. I lived in Manhattan, so it was also magical but in a different way. We had a rent-a-movie machine, ATM and drycleaner’s in the building! Hundred percent pleasure guaranteed. Yeah, pleasure, joy and happiness if you are a robot with no bathroom needs. Already first time I visited public restrooms I knew there would be a lot of fun in this country. I need my privacy, especially when I do something private. So I sat on that toilet and noticed one gap on each side of the door. I could see others, others could see me, and sometimes our eyes met. Nasty!

In New York I worked as an au pair. It means I lived with the family whom I worked for. I had my own bathroom and they had theirs. In a very short time I managed to clog first the bathtub and then the toilet. We had a handyman in the building, so it wasn’t such a problem. He took care of everything. And I had at least someone “normal” to talk to. But I had to solve and save all minor overflowing with just a help of paper towels. I don’t know but such a frazzle would be certainly more efficient.

One day I returned from some errands, the family was out of town, and guess what was waiting for me. Half of the apartment got baptized by a water from their overflowing toilet. And because I am smart, I didn’t try to use paper towels this time. Anyway I would need like a truck of those. I called the reception desk and they sent me a team of two handymen and one cleaning lady. Two handymen – I was honored! Well, I didn’t have to move a finger. I got a service like for a queen. That was lovely. But in the first place, what was/is wrong with (those) toilets???

I’m just not used this. I was always like: “This is the country of unlimited possibilities and you can’t even pee anytime you want?!”. When I came to the city of front yards, back yards and side yards, the nightmare, and many others, followed me. Many others... I don’t have a car. Does this juicy nightmare need to be explained? “Services so frequent, that you don’t need a timetable”. That’s what I read in a bus. Is there anyone who believes it? Raise your hand! To get to my yoga class, I take a bus which comes only once an hour, and the last one leaves at 7:57 pm.

Anyway, I’m in LA. Fighting and praying for my right to fully use a bathroom anytime. Who would want to do it all over the yards and in the alley? But most of the time, when our bathroom is out of order, I pee in a our local public library. So big thanks to them. You guys literally saved my butt.

About the Writer

Ivana Poulova is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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1 comments on Peeing in a library

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By Steven Lane on May 01, 2007 at 08:21 pm
If you live here in Los Angeles, English as a second language is required, lol
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