Life in America is one big toilet adventure. Are plumbers the most rich people here (well, probably after politicians and Hollywood stars)?
I wouldnâ€™t ever think that the United States are so much different than Europe. Nobody told me that it is actually a bilingual country. Why did I study English so nicely and didnâ€™t care about Spanish even a bit? I speak a perfect Czech but thatâ€™s not going to make me a fortune. Just so you know, at school they donâ€™t teach us words like plumbing, drain, sewer, pipes, clog, overflow, which I consider as a necessary vocabulary now.
When I came to New York, I didnâ€™t feel like Alice in Wonderland â€“ yet. That magical feeling got me, and keeps getting me, in Los Angeles. I lived in Manhattan, so it was also magical but in a different way. We had a rent-a-movie machine, ATM and drycleanerâ€™s in the building! Hundred percent pleasure guaranteed. Yeah, pleasure, joy and happiness if you are a robot with no bathroom needs. Already first time I visited public restrooms I knew there would be a lot of fun in this country. I need my privacy, especially when I do something private. So I sat on that toilet and noticed one gap on each side of the door. I could see others, others could see me, and sometimes our eyes met. Nasty!
In New York I worked as an au pair. It means I lived with the family whom I worked for. I had my own bathroom and they had theirs. In a very short time I managed to clog first the bathtub and then the toilet. We had a handyman in the building, so it wasnâ€™t such a problem. He took care of everything. And I had at least someone â€œnormalâ€ to talk to. But I had to solve and save all minor overflowing with just a help of paper towels. I donâ€™t know but such a frazzle would be certainly more efficient.
One day I returned from some errands, the family was out of town, and guess what was waiting for me. Half of the apartment got baptized by a water from their overflowing toilet. And because I am smart, I didnâ€™t try to use paper towels this time. Anyway I would need like a truck of those. I called the reception desk and they sent me a team of two handymen and one cleaning lady. Two handymen â€“ I was honored! Well, I didnâ€™t have to move a finger. I got a service like for a queen. That was lovely. But in the first place, what was/is wrong with (those) toilets???
Iâ€™m just not used this. I was always like: â€œThis is the country of unlimited possibilities and you canâ€™t even pee anytime you want?!â€. When I came to the city of front yards, back yards and side yards, the nightmare, and many others, followed me. Many others... I donâ€™t have a car. Does this juicy nightmare need to be explained? â€œServices so frequent, that you donâ€™t need a timetableâ€. Thatâ€™s what I read in a bus. Is there anyone who believes it? Raise your hand! To get to my yoga class, I take a bus which comes only once an hour, and the last one leaves at 7:57 pm.
Anyway, Iâ€™m in LA. Fighting and praying for my right to fully use a bathroom anytime. Who would want to do it all over the yards and in the alley? But most of the time, when our bathroom is out of order, I pee in a our local public library. So big thanks to them. You guys literally saved my butt.
WORLD - AN EDGE IN MY VOICE
Copyright © 2010 Ivana Poulova
Peeing in a library
Copyright © 2010 Ivana Poulova
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