I have sex on the mind. Indeed I do, extinct sex to be exact. How did dinosaurs do it, I want to know, particularly the real biggies like the brontosaur and the tyrannosaur? The answer, according to several palaeontologists, is that they did it doggie.
A surprising amount of thought has been given to a subject that previously had never crossed my mind. A lot of thought was given by the late Dr Beverly Halstead, an English expert on dino sex. “All dinosaurs used the same basic position to mate”, he once wrote, “Mounting from the rear, he put his forelimbs on her shoulders, lifting one hind limb across her back and twisting his tail under hers.” My, my, it sounds complicated.
Mr T-Rex, it seems, was particularly well-endowed, having a penis estimated to be some twelve feet long, a joy, I feel sure, for Mrs T-Rex. So given this, along with the weight and dimensions of the beasts, doggie it had to be.
Kristi Rogers, Assistant Professor of Biology and Geology at Macalester College in Minnesota, speaking on the Discovery Channel said “'The most likely position to have intercourse is for the male behind the female, and on top of her, and from behind, any other position is unfathomable.”
Interviewed by the Huffington Post, Dr Gregory Erickson, an evolutionary biologist at Florida State University, concurred, adding that it “Must have been a hell of a thing to see.” I'm sure it was. Best not to get too close, though.
Doggie, yes, but some believe it had to be wet doggie. There are palaeontologists who think that that the dino romps had to be in water because they would just fall over on land. Water, you see, added that little bit of extra support, along with a post-coital float.
A problem comes to mind. I can see that doggie is the obvious position. The idea of dino missionary is just too, too outrageous. But what about all those with armoured protection. How did poor old stegosaurus go about it, what with all those plates and spikes down the back? It must have been quite a thing for Mr Stego to find a way round those obstacles to passion. I suppose love found a way, either that or there is another explanation for extinction.