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by Venditto (writer), April 30, 2007

If cable television has taught me anything it’s that there’s a fine line between feminism and soft core porn. That lesson was illuminated for me in all its glory the other night as I experienced for the first time: AMATUER FEMALE JELLO WRESTLING!

As run by Dana Sterling (the Grande Dame of Jell-O wrestling) and her crack staff, this is definitely NOT your creepy Uncle Jack’s back room dollar bill fueled filth fest. And honestly, I would’ve been cool if it were, but what these ladies have created is a for girls by girls good time that’s more about showmanship and sisterhood than it is about raunch.

The wrestlers (all are welcome to volunteer) arrive around 6:30 to discuss character development, create a costume, go through a safety orientation and take a lesson in Sapphic, slapstick stagecraft. Turns out, just like in real life, success in the Jell-O octagon depends on open communication and learning how to fall properly.

At 8:00 the party kicks in with a dj and a live band. In keeping with the Grrl Power theme of the evening they try to book all female or chick fronted bands. The night I went they had a funky rock outfit named: Rotten Cherry.

The night I was there the event was handily emceed by Veronica Vicious, a curvaceous, saucy tongued Marv Albert in a tiara and pink prom dress channeling the late, great Anna Nicole Smith.

She keeps the audience whipped into froth with her wrestler interviews and improvised ring side announcing.

Sample Dialogue:
Veronisa- "So what's your strategy gonna be here?"
Superslut (a wrestler) - “I’m gonna slut ALL over her!”
Veronica- “Wow! That sounds wet!”

I defy you to find a wittier discourse anywhere in the wide world of sports casting.

Sample play by play analysis during a match:

“Tiger Lily fights with Native American power while The Claw has…A Claw!… and now a hot ass is up in the air. Screw the boys ladies, that is a hot ass! Now let’s see some SPANKING!”

-Needless to say, I’m helplessly in love with Ms. Vicious.

The whole night is a sticky tour de force of feminism at its bustiest best. With names like: Tinkerbelle,; Acid; and Lady Venom, these ladies tongue firmly in cheek are blazing a trail of gender equality with class cascading out of their cleavage and pride pouring forth from their pantaloons.

Sure, I sported wood through most of the proceedings, but these babes are no mere mindless objects of lust, they are blue- blooded, drunken embodiments of all that is righteous and true. In a word these young ladies are America! And I, for one, applaud their courage and their feminine mystique.

Amateur Female Jell-O Wrestling is an experience I would recommend for all and sundry. I went in looking for greased up nipple slips and malicious wardrobe malfunctions. I came away though, wiser, with a new found respect for the ladies… and a wicked case of blue balls.


What You Need To Know:
• For more dates and times visit: Jellowrestle.com
• Those standing ringside WILL GET WET!

Read more articles on: anna nicole smith

Venditto is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.