Friday, July 20, 2018

Home, Home on the Range

by Kire Sdyor (writer), New Shinar, July 04, 2012

Credit: Kire Sdyor 2012
Happy Gilmore would be so proud.

Summer is here and you know what that means? Young children who have two months of unstructured time to be creative and independent.

How great it is when on day two of summer vacation they turn to you and say, "We're bored. Can we go to the driving range?"

Dad: "Stand with your feet closer together, it's not hockey."

James (Age 9): "But I'm awesome at hockey. Can we go hit balls from up on the top deck?"

Dad: "No."

James: "Why."

Dad: "You chase the balls onto the range if they don't go far enough. You'll run right off the top deck. Olympia, your picking your head up."

Olympia (Age 13): "I like to see what's going on."

Dad: "How exactly do you put a divet in the rubber rug?"

Olympia: "It wasn't easy."

Dad: "I know your better than this. You've had lessons."

Olympia: "Your check book says I should be better than this, but I don't think I do."

James: "I want to be as good as Nicholas Cage."

Olympia: "What does he have to do with golf?"

James: "Nothing. I just want to be like The Ghost Rider."

Olympia: "Can we get frozen yogurt after this at Zingo's?"

Dad: "No, we haven't had diner yet. Mom is home cooking now."

Olympia: "Please!"

Dad: "If you hit the ball to the 100 yd. marker in the air."

James: "What if I just pay you twenty bucks to take us."

Dad: "Would you pay attention to what you're doing. You're going to hit someone with the golf club."

James: "It's not my fault. Golf is an inherently dangerous sport. People should play at their own risk."

Olympia: "I hit 75 yds. Is that good enough for Zingo's?"

James: "My favorite golfer is Bubba Watson. He won the green jacket last year. Why did he win a green jacket?"

Dad: "He won the Masters."

James: "Hey pal, is it fun working here?"

Driving Range Employee: "Hell no!"

Olympia: "I can't hit the 100 yd. marker. The guy two stalls over is talking on the phone in Chinese and smoking while hitting the golf balls. How do you expect me to concentrate?"

James: "And he swore at me."

Dad: "He did not. He's speaking in another language."

James: "He did. I hit one that went pretty far and he said 'Suck It.' I am offended. I think Zingo's might help soothe my hurt feelings."

Dad: "We are not getting frozen yogurt!"

James: "Can I go onto the range and get my golf club? It just flew out of my hands."

Dad: "Just please be careful."

James: "I got some extra golf balls while I was out there."

Dad: "Great. That will help prolong the agony."

About the Writer

Kire Sdyor is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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