So here I'm blabbing about divorce and I'm divorced. Hmm... I took my vows seriously and meant them. I believe in my heart that I would still be married to my x if he hadn't left for greener pastures. I wasn't given any choice. I'm not saying I wasn't just as much at fault. I just didn't have a choice.
Years later I found out that pretty much our whole marriage was a sham. He had slept around for years. As it turns out, many of his conquests were my girl friends. The worst part of it all is, it was my son who told me this.
My x left us and didn't bother with the boys for years. Then all of a sudden when they boys start having children, who do you think wants to play grandpa? Now after leaving his boys when they needed him most, he wants to come back into their lives to take credit for having grand children. As much as it hurts I accept the fact that no matter what he's done or hasn't done, he is and will always be the boy's father.
So getting back to how my son came to tell me about my x's affairs... One day boy #2 is over with his family. I was in the kitchen tidying up when boy #2 comes in and wants to talk to me. Everyone else is outside playing with grandpa and Dex so we had a few minutes. He asks me if I knew a certain person. I said sure, we were good friends but that was years ago. I even smiled at the memory thoughts of her brought to mind. Then he asks me if I knew another person, again I say yes, a little more hesitant now, wondering where this is leading. He mentioned 3 other old girl friends of mine. Then he told me that his father told him he's had affairs with each of them. I was totally shocked!
The affairs shocked me to the core.. but then my son asks me why his father would tell him that stuff. I thought for a moment before answering. The only answer I could come up with was, that his father wasn't there during the growing up years so he has trouble seeing the boys as sons and is treating them more like friends.
He didn't have the father/son connection so his only way of feeling close to the boys is acting as if they are his buddies. I felt terrible telling my son that because I felt like I was somehow sticking up for the scoundrel. I wasn't, but I was trying to understand what would make him tell his son something like that.
I'm still confused and see the confusion on my sons eyes when ever I think about that conversation. Was it wrong for me to tell my son my thoughts, behind his reasons? Oh see - I am still confused. This happened long ago in a place I have left this all behind yet, when it's thrown back in your face years later it's still a tough swallow.