REAL STORIES
BY REAL PEOPLE Search
Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Tree Surgeon ER - The Ultimate Reality Show

by Rev. F (writer), Intercourse, PA, April 24, 2007

Me: Now, Mr. TV Executive, we are all aware of the "reality TV" phenom.

TV Exec: Yup.

Me: And we are all aware of the long-running success of the TV show "ER," which displays the soap opera drama inherent to life in an emergency room environment.

TV Exec: Yup.

Me: Now how about we spin the two together and have a reality TV show about life in the ER?

TV Exec: Uh, TLC already has a show like that. So does Discovery Channel.

Me: Ah, but let me explain how my show would be different.

CONCEPT: TREE SURGEON ER

Scene 1: Tree Hospital Trauma Center in Northern California

>>>Paramedics wheel Lodgepole Pine into Trauma Room 1 >>>

Dr. Green: What is his situation?

Paramedic Branch: He was hit by lightning during the big storm. Split him right down the crotch.

Medical Student Leaf: OH GOD! HIS SAP IS ALL OVER MY HANDS!

Dr. Green: Quit your shaking, student. Concentrate on the patient.

LodgePole Pine: I CAN"T FEEL MY F***ING ROOTS!!!

Nurse Needles: Let's get some morphine into his phloem. Stat!

Dr. Green: We're LOSING HIM!!! Fight, dammit, fight!!!

>>>Paramedics wheel Red Oak into Trauma Room 2>>>

Dr. Twig: What happened to him?

Paramedic Bud: He got hit by a drunk driver. Car ran off the road in a curve and smashed into him.

Dr. Twig: Some nights I wonder why I didn't become a circus clown....or a drunk.

Nurse Bark: Doctor, get ahold of yourself!!!

>>>A Sequoia walks into Trauma Room 3 >>>

Dr. Green (exhausted after another 24 hour shift) Can I help you?

Sequoia: Yes, orderly. I was peed on by a hiker's dog. Unruly thing humped me, too.

Dr. Green: Look, Mr. Endangered Species, we have serious arbor-medical situations to manage here. You may be 1,000 years old and the environmentalist's poster child, but you will have to wait!

Sequoia: Hmmmmph!

Nurse Needles: Maybe your hippie tree-sitter can wash you off. Now get outta here!

FADE TO BLACK...BACKGROUND NOISES STILL AUDIBLE.


About the Writer

Rev. F is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

0 comments on Tree Surgeon ER - The Ultimate Reality Show



Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.


Rate This Article


Your vote matters to us



x


x