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His dreams were all turmoil and silence, thunder and swirled grasses, still warm from the deer who’d bedded down the night before. Something large was looming, a deep roar building in intensity. Landscapes parted ahead of him, he could see various animals dancing around a shadowy figure, singing some kind of chant. And again, as he had so many times before, a figure that was himself, yet not, took flight, black feathers falling away, something blue and silver, and soft, emerged, caught the rising sun. He saw a horse far below him, running across a plain replete with stone bridges, each which crossed no river or valley, but allowed the horse places to leap from, full with song. A hand arose from the horizon, waving, urging him higher. He felt a sudden weight, looked down, saw his feet encased in fish scales, wondered how he would land. The feeling he felt then, for the first time in his life, was deep relief, weightless at last, feet no longer an anchor. He heard a voice above him, turned onto his back and saw an enormous crow, beautiful with golden-green metallic wings, heard it laughing, calling to him. He knew this crow, had followed it many times, rose to meet it, feeling the wings at his own back beating a strange rhythm, and still he rose, higher and higher, all fear gone. He woke with his face wet, and understood it was from his own tears.
After a quick breakfast, Jordan returned to the conference, attending only one session. He caught up with several colleagues out of the Denver area, then caught a cab back to Diane’s place. She greeted him at the door, dressed in casual slacks and a burgundy turtle-neck blouse and light jacket. He saw her draw a pair of tan gloves over her prosthetic hands before grabbing her purse, and they both went back out to the waiting cab. Diane gave the driver some directions.
After a ride of about fifteen minutes, Jordan saw they were approaching a place called Woodbine Centre, a large shopping center, and saw another sign for the Woodbine racetrack. The cab dropped them at the entrance to the shopping center, and Jordan again asked Diane where they were going. She merely smiled and told him to be patient. He was only more puzzled when they got onto an escalator, and he could hear shouting and children laughing. As they reached the top of the escalator, he saw before him an enormous indoor amusement park. Fantasy Fair occupied the central area of the second level of the center. It had numerous rides and play areas for kids and adults alike. Jordan found himself staring at the entire panorama laid out before him, as though he were once again a child, wondering which rides were best, wanting to ride them all, until Diane took his arm and guided him into the center of the Fair.
He found himself standing in front of an antique carousel, perfectly restored. Diane pulled him forward, smiling, with a look of mischief on her delighted face. She stopped at the ticket window and purchased two tickets. “I’ve been coming here for years,” she said. They waited for the carousel to stop, then stepped up on the platform. Horses and unicorns, zebras and sedate lounge chairs, lions and dragons; it was a marvelous thing to see. They both spotted the pair of silver horses at the same time. When the carousel started to turn again, and the music brought memories of carnivals and circuses back to mind, Jordan and Diane, sitting on their own horses this time, rode the rocking steeds across the world, each holding themselves up, and cheering for the other. They’d gone around ten times, twenty times, a lifetime of starting out on their endless journey, their limbs as whole as the hearts that were carried by them, held by them with tender regard. He watched her face, glowing and relaxed, a look he could not at first recall on his own face. But now, it seemed to emerge from behind his muscled mask, spread across his own mouth and eyes, a feeling he could only vaguely remember, but one he hoped to never lose again. And before the carousel could come to a stop, Jordan got off his horse, stepped lightly over to Diane, and mounted her horse behind her, his arms around her, sharing the handles, and they both laughed, a laugh from the heart started long ago, too long interrupted, freed at last from the burdens of gravity.
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