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“Hello sports fans, Dan Hack here, Greta Poohill is on vacation, or having a baby or something this week so I’m filling in for her today, on ‘THE POET’S CORNER’. Tonight’s guest is Joyce Kilmer, here to discuss her, excuse me, his latest literary masterpiece called simply ‘TREES’, please welcome my guest Mrs. Joyce…errr Joyce Kilmer ladies and gentlemen.”
“Hi, Dan, thanks for having me on your show, and my first name is really Alfred.”
“It’s an almost pleasure to be on ‘THE POET’S CORNER’ with you tonight. Alfred, is your first name?”
“Yes that’s right, Joyce is my middle name.”
“So why do you write under the name of Joyce, do you have a problem with Alfred?”
“Why yes, Dan I do, I got tired of all the hunky young boys at college making fun of the name Alfred, so I just use Joyce now.”
“Did changing your name help?”
“Yes it did Dan, you look very handsome in that blue suit Dan, did anyone ever tell you that?”
“Uhh, no…how did changing your name help you?”
“Well Dan, the boys at school stopped calling me names, and we became really, really close ‘friends’, you have a cute smile, did you know that Dan?”
“Ahh, thanks, about your poem Joyce, when did you write it?”
“Well Dan, I wrote it before I joined the army, I had just quit my job at Funk and Wagnalls, and I was just lying under the loveliest fruit tree, by the shimmering river near my home town, I was naked as a jay bird, what do think of that Dan? I was just lying there watching the darling little robins, and smelling the buttercup flowers and gazing at the pansies, when all of a sudden the words just sprang into my head like naked Elves dancing on clean white silk sheets. You know what I mean don’t you Dan?”
“Well kinda, I guess so, you were in the army then? What did you do in the army?”
“Why Dan I think your blushing, you’re so cute. Well, while I was in the army I spied on the enemy, mostly at night. I could see their naked torsos lit from behind, they would be silhouetted against their tents, like Adonis in the moonlight. It was wonderful, the pale moon and twinkling stars always give me such wonderful thoughts about dancing fairies. What about you Dan? Do you like camping naked in the moonlight?”
“Ehh, I see,…well I’m afraid our time is almost up, and I would like to thank Alfred Kilmer for joining us today.”
“Please call me Joyce, anytime Dan. I’m staying at the Waldorf, Room 69, call me.”
“Thank you ladies and gentlemen, next week on ‘THE POET’S CORNER’ we will have a real man, John Keats.”
“Thank you and good night.”
“Don’t forget to call me Dan, I’ll be waiting.”
“Good God get me out of here……..”
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Funny stuff!