Friday, July 20, 2018

I used to be better than that.

by Betty B. (writer), Bucyrus, December 27, 2011

Credit: Betty Bolden
My son and I, oh how I want to see him more..

Something I heard that someone said that I used to be better than I am now.

How often have we heard that we used to be better than we are now. Years ago my kids and I spent a lot of time at the Ausauble River. We used to live in Grayling Michigan. I really use to enjoy my children when they were little. I know I should of done more with them during after school projects but my life seemed to be too busy. So my kids and I spent a lot of time together as we walked the raod called Wakely Bridge Road. I would get my blanket and book and lay in the grass and read and enjoy the sunshine. I think about those days so much sometimes I want cry to bring them back to me. I remember how my daughters and I used to sit and do each other's hair and laugh talk about their school days. My son was mostly a loner. He was really attached to me his mother and I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't see him much now because he lives an hour away. We live in Ohio now we had to move from our awesome home and 2 acres in Michigan. We had really tall, red pine trees in our yard and they were so beautiful, in the morning times I used to lay in my chair, and listen for sounds up in those tall pines, the animals were getting food to store in the winter months.

My husband used to go hunting a lot, he would bring us deer meat, I could make roast and stew and some steaks. The meat needs to cook long enough to be tender. My husband really misses the hunting in Michigan. I used to be healthy when my kids were little and I can do a lot of things with them and with my husband. I have fibromyalgia and my body hurts most of the time the doctors don't seem to know what they're doing in February of this year, I had broken a rib and their still treating this rib and I don't know how this can get better it's been there long enough. I was in the hospital about two weeks ago and they didn't know what was going on and why the rib won't heal, but this is really getting to me. My life I can't do as much as I would like to and I was reminded that I used to be better than this and it really hurt my heart. I know God is in control of my life and nobody can take this away from me.

Do you ever remember how many things you could do when you were younger. And then something happens to you that you never thought would and then life seems to go downhill from there. I remember when I was a little girl there was so many trials storms at home my mom and dad were good parents. Dad got sick over the years with cancer and mom was not in her good health. Sometimes I think she made herself sick so that he would love her. He wasn't a very nice man at times especially when he got sick. My mother took so much from him over the years. This made her into a strong woman. She is 72 years old now and she has been through so many surgeries and almost died a few times but got better because I think he knows how much I need her and she is such a good woman and I don't understand why my dad didn't see that.

I have three grandsons now and I cherish them. I can't do a lot with them like I used to with my kids but I cherish every minute that we have together. I remember when I used to play in the snow and mom could hardly get me to come in at times no matter what the weather I played out in it. We were always outside playing, unless it was a thunderstorm or something that would hurt us. Sometimes Christmas was a problem because they got sick one year and he had to try to get his disability which he did after so long. I remember fishing with him and catching frogs when he was healthier. We used to run races together and I remember seeing daddy run. He would take us on trips to Indiana where all his family lived and we would go to family reunions after not seeing his family for a year at a time. He made sure he was down there each summer.

Well anyway with my children. We did do a lot together. We wrestled together we had fun on swing sets. I use to chase them around the yard. I was a monster. I knew they loved it and I wish I could play like that with my grandsons. I do play with them sometimes a little rough for myself, but they were strong little buggers. I remember going fishing with my hubby and my children. We now live in Bucyrus Ohio. we moved here in 2005 but in Grayling Michigan we lived there for 11 years and I do so miss it.. My youngest daughter and my youngest grandson still lives in Grayling Michigan. For three years. I only get to see them once a year and that is in the summertime. We will bring our youngest grandson home for a month, we had so much fun when he's here and when he goes back to Michigan he tells every body how much fun he had with Na na and papaw.

Let's get back to my daughters and my son, they are the best children a woman could ever have. During her lifetime. I'm sure they know I love them but I'm sure they don't know how much, I love my children more than anything in the whole world. I remember they used to bring their friends home and later on in the future when they all got grown up close friends remembered me because when they got off the bus I had all their dinners done and I could spend time with them. A few of their friends even come back to me as I got older and told me how much that what I did for them, meant to them over the years so glad that I could be a part of something in my life. I feel at times that I'm here just to be here. How much more can I do for God and for everyone in my life. We still do a lot of fishing in the spring and summer. My husband and I feel at times we will remember when we get really old but I want to go back to the time where I could do more for my children and my husband. May your life give you as much as mine has given me. I will leave you with tears and a poem that I just thought of as I was writing this.

As my life goes on

it seems to go so very fast.

we have our children

then we have our grandchildren

what more have we done

life cannot be won

no matter what we do

we have to keep going.

God is in control

even when we can't see him. He is there.

I cherish the little things in life

when spring comes, I can smell the flowers

I can walk in puddles with no shoes on

we used to do that together

now they have their own life.

Someday they will know

how much of them I keep my heart

life really takes a toll on us but we keep going

until we die, but others live on and being part of us

they live and die, as we did..

Written by Betty Bolden

Jesus is my joy ministries

12 -27-11


About the Writer

Betty B. is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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4 comments on I used to be better than that.

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By Uttam Gill on December 28, 2011 at 04:09 am

“My husband and I feel at times we will remember when we get really old but I want to go back to the time where I could do more for my children and my husband. May your life give you as much as mine has given me. I will leave you with tears and a poem that I just thought of as I was writing this”...In the simplicity of your thoughts you have said it...Betty you have executed your experience, observations and thoughts so well that while reading you took me to your place at Michigan...It is believed that life sucks...While going through your article I certainly see your point and the way you lived your life...We cannot turn back the time but surely can structure to make as good as possible...With age things changes...our perception changes...We need to cope up with this change...I know and humbly own up I too many a time submit to feeling of regrets and say to myself..Oh that time was better...

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By Betty B. on December 28, 2011 at 06:30 am

life sure does take toll on us..all the things that happen it all seems like a past dream.

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By D. Sager on December 28, 2011 at 11:38 am

We have not lost our usefulness to our progeny or to society because we have grown older. I will continue to influence my world with abandon and a wild passion for living till my hair is long gone, my skin two sizes to big for me, and my pants puffed out with soaked Depends on! Ed Attanasio said it in his article "Create or Die!" -

"When I exit the planet, my table will have nothing left on it, because every day I pursue one or more creative endeavors passionately. I don’t let bills, work, barking dogs or naysayers to get in my way. When I’m done with this life, my table will be bare. I will have gnawed the varnish off the surface and chewed on the legs. My table will be empty and it will look like shit, but I will die having known I loved every minute of it!"

Keep on swinging Betty, you have many years of influence ahead of you, never say die, and continue to create.

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By Betty B. on December 29, 2011 at 06:31 am

Amen sager thank you so much

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