Monday, July 16, 2018

The Battle of the Wookies

Right After This Word From Our Sponsors! It's the American Way. No way? Waaayyyy.

Hi! Koch Brother's, here. You're probably wondering why we are backing so many of the dark horses in this coming presidential debacle, and you are of course correct in having that wondering. (Thank you, Sarah, for the wonderful editing. Couldn't have doing this without you betcha.) We feel the American People deserve a choice, which they have never really had before. Not even George Bush was a choice. Well, not for you, anyway. And this Obama person, hardly a choice there, basically, just shoved down the throats of the American People by those Commie liberal scum. But we aim to put an end to that, and right quicker-ly.

Having a choice is the American Way, unless it's about abortion (baby killing) or living next to a power plant. Or whether food is safe or not, like it isn't. Or paying taxes (better you than us, because we have a choice. Wouldn't you like to know how? I bet you do!) Or choosing your rulers, leaders, whatever. Some things should be not about having a choices. That's the American Way! And we are all about the American Way, which is about getting wealthy, no matter what. It's right there on the Statue of Liberty!

So, this election is about you having real choices, between that black guy with the foreign name, and all these white guys and one white, dynamic woman who know how to Get Things Done, like get rid of public education for once and all, because that does not have choices for people who need them. And put the Right Kind of People on that Supremer Court. (Nice touch, Sarah!) And to help you the American Peoples make that right-to-life choice, we, the Koch Brothers, along with many of our rightfully wealthy friends, are bringing you these powerful arguing debaters, so that you can relax, and stop worrying about those jobs you aren't having, because that isn't a proper American Dream, is it?

So, it really doesn't matter which one of these wonderful American Candidates you settle for, as long as together, We the American Peoples are foremost at the table of Life, Liberty, and the Pur$uit of Happierness. And we can do that Together by defeating decisively that guy currently squatting in the People's White House. It started out white, and by God and Guns, it's going to stay being Right. Because that is the American Way.

And now, let's get back to the arguers in today's Wookie Primary Debates!

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Notumbus Bumbus is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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