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Sunday, October 22, 2017

Poisoned Love

Not that love dies immediately or soon...but it does die and cannot be revived.

“Love does not last forever, then?"
"He asked me the same thing this morning," she said. "No, it does not - not love that has been betrayed. One realizes that one has loved a mirage, someone who never really existed. Not that love dies immediately or soon, even then. But it does die and cannot be revived.”
~ Mary Balogh, Simply Perfect

I am surprised at myself. Being a spiritually enlightened man, well acquainted with my own faults, and well exercised at forgiving a mountain of offenses against me, have found myself at an insurmountable barrier. I have bitterness at a betrayal, no not just one, but many betrayals, of my lover against me. I mouth the words like I know I should, “I forgive you”, I pray the prayers, “Lord help her”, but yet, I find a seething bleeding wound festering beneath my loving mask. Why is it that this has a root in me? Worse, why is it that I cannot, under any amount of coercion, cleanse myself of this horrid stew I have brewed? I have not yet tasted the foulness of it, but I can smell it, tainting the air of conversation and poisoning the purity of the love I felt. I am sure it will kill all of my affection, but, I must make sure I don't let it destroy my compassion for others, or morph into its evil sibling, revenge. God help me, I am just like the one I despise! Now I am left with this battle, and how to win it, I have no sure plan. I need an intervention of grace, power to do what I could never do.

Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime. It’s what unites us. The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens. Don’t let them take that from you.”
~ Sherrilyn Kenyon, Invincible

First written: Opinionsofeye.com




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D. Sager is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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4 comments on Poisoned Love

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By Notumbus Bumbus on November 22, 2011 at 10:13 am

I am reminded of someone I knew years ago, since passed into the mists of the Universe, one might say. He told me about a similar situation he'd been in, some years prior. What struck me most was when he said he'd eventually come to see that, while the other had betrayed him, he felt he had something to do with how that act occured. He said he didn't feel such things happened "out of the blue,": but had their roots in what both people in the relationship contributed to their on-going dynamics. We both rode motorcycle at the time, and he said to me something I have never forgotten. "You know those so-called ""close calls""? "Well, there's nothing close about them. It's just that if you aren't paying attention, things happen as they always did, but it was you that took your eye off the ball, and now, you got to try to make it right. But if you are paying attention, you can see it before it even begins to happen." I think that made me a better rider, and I know it made me a better husband.

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By D. Sager on November 22, 2011 at 02:29 pm

Wise words NB. That definitely gives me some intellectual fodder to ruminate on...thanks for the comments!

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By Marcy Lynne on November 26, 2011 at 07:59 am

Your writing rings sincere. Your desire to forgive and ask God for help doing it is definitely on the right path. For YOU I mean, not just for the other person. As we know, forgiveness is not about "excusing the other person" but allowing the anger to fly to heaven where it can disintegrate. I recently read a great line: "Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."

This article is raw and true. I especially appreciate the line, "I have not yet tasted the foulness of it, but I can smell it, tainting the air of conversation and poisoning the purity of the love I felt." Really good stuff.

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By D. Sager on November 27, 2011 at 10:33 am

Thank you Marcy for your kind words and understanding. As with most things, I ask "Big Daddy" to help me. Its an awful thing to have a feeling you don't want...

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