You have been drinking… Beer, wine, liquor, water… more beer, more liquor and wine. You start to feel warm, satisfied, seductive, mysterious even. Your partner is near, he looks good and that smile has never seemed sexier as it does now. You wait a bit, your friends are chatting and there is no escape route near.
The heat within you rises by the
minute, scratch that, by the second. You are drowning in an inner pool of thoughts, desires, and need. Finally, a wait out! You’re going home, you’re excited, divine joy. Nothing more than seclusion between you both. Nearly screaming you hype the possibility of sex and blow jobs… Anything that any man would be delighted to hear and abide by.
Just then, your surroundings turns cold. All you hear ringing in your ears is a definite ‘no’, a ‘don’t take it personal’… How can you not?! Another rejection, just a different scenario yet its the same answer, the same excuse and the same outcome.
You taste the sour in your mouth.
You can’t breathe.
You become nothing.
There is more between you two than a physical attraction, you know this, there is love. Yet that feeling of failure and disappointment will not go away, it never does. You feel insecure and begin to ask ‘what’s wrong with me? Is it because of someone else?’… Your world ashes in front of your eyes. Your heart trembles. All because of the‘no’ you always hear. All because you love so much… and intimacy is nowhere near. All because of him and his own insecurities.
Your heart turns to stone and then he wonders why that girl he once knew disappeared.