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Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Put it Away, You're on the Subway.

by Jane (writer), Astoria, April 09, 2007

As I reflect on my life here in New York City, I’m amazed at the number of exposed penises I have seen on the subway. And not in the sexy Risky Business way. More like the grinning pervert in sweatpants way. Now I’m pretty sure that most men reading this are thinking, “What’s wrong with whipping out my baby-pork for a little strokey-stroke to unwind on the subway? This chick is obviously a prude.” I am no prude. But I feel the need to educate the masses and tell them: The subway is not an appropriate place to masturbate. Ever.

A poll of my female friends has indicated that nearly all of them have seen an exposed and aroused penis on the subway at some point. A recent account is that of a man who calmly asked my friend, alone in a subway car with only the owner of the offending penis, to “give it a little suck.” This was a frightening moment for her and makes for a weird story to tell later. (She declined the request, by the way.) What makes this bizarre is that this advance (approaching a random woman on an empty subway car while masturbating and asking her politely for oral sex) has presumably worked for him in the past. Or worked for his friends? It's an approach like that requires, excuse the pun, balls. Who does that? Is the exposure the turn on? The denial? Was it a dare? Has this actually worked for him in the past? Did he assume she was sitting on the subway longing to give oral sex to a stranger? Is it just a fetish?

A word on fetishes: I am all about having crazy fetishes providing those involved are consenting and it doesn’t injure unsuspecting parties. For example: getting off in or with a pile of your own shoes, cool. Getting off in or with a pile of shoes at Payless during store hours, not as cool. S&M with your girlfriend with a safety word, cool. S&M with your boss with no safety word, not cool. Masturbating, cool. Masturbating on a crowded subway train, not as cool. Subtle, I know, but important.

My own stories of flashers and masturbators involve slightly less verbal contact. I can’t usually think of anything to say and I’m often shocked into silence. I’ve seen a guy in a suit stroking his package through his fancy pants. What do you say to that? “Excuse me, sir, you’ll have to put the olive in your martini at home. There are children present. Thank you.” Would that do it? I don’t relate to this fetish so I don’t know what words would be effective.

I’ve heard that regular people like to masturbate on the train, not just crazy people. I’ve heard that they consider it to be a compulsion, much like OCD people and hand-washing. I should have pity on them and not scorn them. After all, how does seeing a person with their stiff junk in their hand REALLY affect me? Who am I to rain on someone else’s ability to be that free and open with themselves? Aren’t I just jealous that I can’t be that expressive about my self-love? I mean, these guys aren’t nearly as bad as the guys who rub up on you in a crowded subway train. Isn’t that worse? I guess I’m a prude after all. But at least I’m in control of how and why I expose my genitals.


About the Writer

Jane is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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2 comments on Put it Away, You're on the Subway.

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By Ariel on April 12, 2007 at 01:22 am
Geez, I didn't know this kind of things happened in the NYC subway. I lived in Paris most of my life and spent a lot of time in the subway there. Never saw such a thing there. Nice article
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By Jane on April 15, 2007 at 11:06 pm
You know, it's funny, I love Paris but the last time I was there, a man tried to take a picture up my skirt while I was riding an escalator in the Metro. That's never happened to me here. (Well, not that I know about.) Thanks for reading!
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