Although a freeloader is usually referred to as “a good for nothing bum” who extends flimsy excuses for being a non contributing member of society, dependency usually marks their lives, often judged worthless by those on whom they rely. Try and observe them without judgment, a difficult task to accomplish, and they usually reveal anxiety and a lack of self confidence when it comes to independent action or dealing with consequences.
Often, from some one else’s perspective, they can appear manipulating in their helplessness, controlling the situation by pushing all the right buttons to evoke a co-dependent response, as anger becomes a cause for avoiding the original issue, lost when uncontrollable emotions kick in. Usually, an abdication of responsibility is present when circumstances require individual action and taking risks as part of the process of growth and development. Unfortunately, this often characterizes the relationship by provoking some sort of guilt along with the anger over being unfairly burdened, overshadowing the possibility of a normal relationship assuming one could be adequately defined.
Discovering the ability to objectify the situation on an emotional level may help prevent the knee jerk responses when buttons are pushed, but unless the anger is transformed, nothing changes. The hope, fleeting at first, is that something external will intervene and change the circumstances so that confrontation becomes a mute issue. This approach is a passive way of viewing the dynamics necessary to alter the cycle, and rarely works. The other means of arriving at a solution most often appears when everything else seems to fail, the bottom of the barrel reached and behavior becomes so contrary to what is usual that the blind spots, now glaring, cannot be ignored. Confrontation is then inevitable.
Blaming the lazy slough by comparing him or her negatively to those who are accomplished neglects the response many successful people give when asked about their own attainments, “I’m not really as successful as everyone thinks, Ive just fooled them into thinking I am.” This rationale suggests that no matter which side of the line you fall – the overly depended upon, or the good for nothing bum, fear of the inner truth exists.