Monday, October 15, 2018

Crossing En Garde

by m.moore (writer), Los Angeles, April 05, 2007


I like to guess. I enjoy being faced with a problem in which I have multiple options in route to a possible solution. I find the whole process of chance terribly exciting, and exhilarating to some extent. Retrieve a quarter from your pocket, place your hands behind your back, and request me to deduce which hand possesses the said currency. I assure you I’ll be more than delighted to entreat your quandary with an answer. It’s like a multiple choice math test; you don’t know the answer…but you might.
Most guessing games are enthralling: ‘guess which hand its in’, ‘how much do I weigh’, ‘where are my keys’ all wonderful, but recently a woman on an extremely busy four lane city street decided to introduce me to the LA version of the guessing game titled; 'Guess where I’m going to cross the street.'

The concept of 'Guess where I’m going to cross the street' is just as it sounds. Literally try and guess where I’m going to, not attempt to, but where I’m actually going to cross this busy street. I must admit the game is exhilarating, in principle, for both parties involved. On the one hand you get the rush of defiantly attempting to cross a busy traffic-way guarded only by the shield of 'Pedestrian’s right of way,' and on the other you have a extremely startled driver attempting to bring a momentum encrusted two ton motor vehicle to sudden halt in a manner of moments. Pretty thrilling right?

I can imagine your quizzical expressions and tilting of heads at such a concept- much like a small dog watching a television set. The game seems clearly stilted in favor of one over the other. You might find yourself saying, “That’s way more exciting for the defiant sidewalk liberating pedestrian. This game is for the birds!” Well allow me to tell you that your perception is entirely wrong for the following reasons: 1) Most players of this game choose extremely busy streets which means the vehicles will be traveling much faster than those located in residential areas 2) Crosswalk signs or symbols will not be located anywhere near the area where the pedestrian will be traveling thusly catching you completely by surprise 3) The fact that you can read the brand name on the pedestrian’s designer sunglasses before they burst out into the street brings a new significance to how utterly caught off guard you will be as you attempt to stop your vehicle in a matter of feet, and 4) The thought that LAPD could, and probably will accuse you of reckless driving and blatant failure to yield causing an instantaneous vision of your future in Chino reliving that shower scene from American History X…yeah, that one.

'Guess where I’m going to cross the street' much like a youthful ‘avant-garde’ Tim Allen is sure to steal the hearts of Americans nation wide, causing student drivers and prostitutes alike to view traversing the street in a whole new light, but couldn’t the cross walk law be one rule we all can obey? I understand that some of us are far too important and busy to choose the safe/legal passage across a busy street, but like Katie Holmes, couldn’t you just take one for the team? In any event as the nation’s fuel prices keep soaring higher, I’m certain we’re only going to see an influx in pedestrian activity nationwide. LET’S GET REAL: Use the cross walk to safely journey across a busy street, or don’t get upset when I remove your bloody sunglasses from my windshield… they can buy me two weeks protection while I’m serving in Chino.

About the Writer

m.moore is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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