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Saturday, December 16, 2017

Humans Are Idiots

Credit: Adam Garratt
A young man being bought by Jesus by the promise of wine

An article on the human species and it's un faltering ability to mess things up.

Since we diverged from our cousin the chimp roughly 7 million years ago we have managed to harness our surroundings with such epic progress, we discovered fire, created steam power, electricity, launched dogs into space, landed on the moon and even created a machine that smashes protons into each other.

Who would have though that we mushy, stringy, jelly brained blood bags could have achieved such wonders, well we did, but all this stuff is cancelled out by our own ability to enigmatically cock things up for ourselves, some of the things we do really makes me wonder how we ever got so far, so for the purpose of this article I will highlight some of the wonderfully stupid and horrendous things we do.

1. Murder

I don't know of any other species that actively goes out at night with an axe and lurks on a street corner wearing a face mask made of a dead librarian waiting for a passer-by to happily cull without want or reason. I wonder how the first ever murder happened? My guess is that at some time when we dragged our knuckles and lived in a cave, probably a fight broke out about who did the best cave drawing of a naked man spearing a tiger, just got out of hand and next thing you know you have a panic-stricken neanderthal looming over his dead neighbours smashed in skull hoping no one heard the scuffle and calls the police (yeah they probably had police in the stone age, come on we have all seen the cops in the flintstones).

2. War

From firing dead horses at a castle to launching atomic bombs at Japan we continually strive to destroy each other, Hoping to dominate and preside over our fellow human beings is absurd. I mean of course the idea that we can all live in a harmonious Utopian society where all are equal is never going to work, but I have an idea, let's start a secret army of soldiers that go around infiltrating nuclear bases and swapping the uranium for green jelly, then when war breaks out all that's going to happen is the human race gets showered in a lime flavoured dessert, that can only be a good thing right?

3. Money

It wasn't not a few hundreds years ago since we were content with the age-old custom of bartering, swapping chickens for beer, vegetables for shoes etc, then some plucky idiot decided to invent small round discs to buy stuff with, wahey! well done for starting a money driven race forcing people to wake up at stupid o'clock to go to a building full of people they hate and a boss that has slept with their wife and tells awful jokes. Money created the economy and the economy is run by people who if laws didn't restrict it would have us all bar coded, stripped of our personality and hoarded in to small cramped cubicles a foot wide to help make as much money as possible for their company, whilst paying you just enough for you to live but not enough for you to escape the financial grip the soulless corporation has on you.

4. Religion

I was brought up as a god fearing child, I went to Sunday school and was punished if I said 'oh for gods sake' My mother wasn't particularly religious but for some reason thought it was her duty to make her child believe that if you didn't eat all your veg the devil will eat your penis in hell. I soon cottoned on to this charade and was having none of it, I quickly decided that god didn't exist nor did the devil, but stupidly for myself I also worked out that neither did Santa, the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny, which made me cry. Apparently god created the earth in 7 days, that was a long time ago....so what's he doing now then? sitting down claiming state welfare probably! get a job!. Religion has caused more wars than anything else, it has enslaved races and created false kings, it has broken down societies and creates secular divides. Of course everyone has their own opinion and this is all meant in jest.

I hope you enjoyed my humorous look on the human condition, leave a comment!



About the Writer

unclejazztits is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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1 comments on Humans Are Idiots

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By jelena88 on June 26, 2014 at 07:22 am

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