Saturday, January 19, 2019

Etsy sells Wood

by Maylin Gonzalez (writer), , October 12, 2011

Credit: Maylin Gonzalez
Want Wood?

To wood or not to wood? ... Is that even a question?

{"...Look! It's wooden. Yes, wooden!"
:: estranged look of disbelief::
"don't look at me that way; it's very useful!"
::more disbelief::
"...I got it on Etsy" ::sly smile::
::(insert ANY questionable expressions here):: }

As my friend explained: Etsy Sells Wood. Yep! Wood. Then I couldn't help but wonder: Wood? What was so amusing about wood? Isn't it prickly? Does it not hurt? Would I not get bruised or perhaps even splinters? What on earth is happening to this world? Is silicone or even ceramic not good enough anymore? Wood?! ::insert coincidental outrage here::

As some of you may have noticed by now; I'm not talking about baseball bats, nor am I talking about construction materials, much less am I talking about accessories - well, not THAT kind of accessories anyway! I am, flat-out, talking about masturbation devices (dildo, vibrators, electric pickles, etc)... Whatever you may call it, I can find a better name for it. Yet the thought of a wooden one - it just doesn't make me as excited as I normally would be.

After much thought and realization that Etsy sells sex toys, I race home, open the magic world of Google and --> voila! <-- there it was! A huge, authentic, oil finished, wooden masterpiece! Much to my disappointment, it looked a bit pale and spotted... dalmatian? ::shakes head:: This could potentially be dangerous.

Just then, I don't know why, I remember a --> movie <-- I saw a while back, which basically ends with a nun masturbating with the charred femur of a priest...

I'm still a bit verklempt on that one...
no more questions.

About the Writer

Maylin Gonzalez is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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