So this is, for sure, about a (seemingly) trivial matter. Maybe @aplusk and @mrskutcher’s alleged marriage troubles on the tabloids got me thinking, or perhaps the new ‘Mrs Beatle’, who knows. If I wanted to dig a little bit into the whole age (gap) issue, there are always Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon’s twins to prove me wrong (so far), and even the Susan Sarandons and Tim Robins of the world. But I’m not in the mood for digging. As always, just sharing.
I recently joined this not-so-new-to-me online dating site (I know, please don’t remind me) and today, among the hundreds of flattering emails from the army of admirers that I seem to be attracting, one particular message got my undivided attention. There was nothing special about it (the usual “I’d like to meet you” stuff) except for one funny sentence, which this guy thought it was OK to include [smile]. Here we go, he dared to write, to me of all people [smile], “I have always been drawn to (smart and beautiful) older women…” Well you got the keyword then.
OK, how do I say this? He’s cute, he seems smart… BUT! He’s just one year younger - yes, ONE, that’s just 1 for you – and as you can see, I refuse to refer to myself as “older”. In other words, my mum just had me a few months earlier than his mom had him, that's all [smile]. At least according to his online profile. Yes, I’m with you, he could well be lying about his real age on there. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m not, and I’m a lady.
Now, straight to my point. I’m sure if he were the “older” one – not by one, but by even ten years – he wouldn’t mention the whole age thing, would he? Don’t you think that line was completely unnecessary on his (first ever) message? It’s not like that would’ve been the issue, if we ever got as far as wanting to know each other, is it? I mean, one year difference is almost nonexistent in age-gap world, right? Well, thank you. So! What was that about? Hmm… An isolated event? Just someone who, clearly, needs to grasp the concept of ‘cougar town’? Or do guys always feel a little “something”, when a girl is, "plus something” than him?
Here is the relatively boring bit. The “uneducated” analysis [wink]. Maybe he felt the need to mention the “age difference” – as my ex-husband would say, who by the way is qualified for it – because the guy felt threatened by either your beauty or your professional background, and couldn’t find anything else to try ‘to pick on you’, in spite of also being hopelessly attracted to you. Well, maybe. Again, I don’t know.
But I’m more interested in whether this is something, with which men out there identify. It isn’t a secret (far from it) that over centuries and generations, we (ladies) have allowed men to exercise their social right to want younger women, without anyone questioning any age gap whatsoever. It’s only when material “pay-offs” are involved that we see “The Sugar Daddy” and “The Cougar” walking about, in "Town Judgmental". Aside from that, it’s OK for men to date, and marry, younger women. But it’s a ‘time bomb’, when the roles are the other way around.
In general, women do seem to handle much better keeping 'an older' life companion, than men can. Long explanation for another time. Don’t get me wrong, I like it fresh too (skin, that is). But at one point in life, like a chicken for a soup, it all boils down to substance. And the meat-vs-bones fact becomes a matter of priorities (and opinions). What is “young” and “old” anyways? I felt compelled to write about it, because I rarely think of it as an issue.
But now I’m wondering if this could become, if it already hasn’t, a trend in men of my generation. Guys, I thought we were cool. I hope that isn’t what’s happening. Perhaps I need to adjust the age bracket for the type of man I’m hoping to attract on that site. I don’t mind bypassing the occasional confused individual; but I wouldn’t want my online dating experience to become an unplanned research ground.
I want to enjoy myself while (technically) looking. And although I did laugh at this one, I couldn’t help but ask, are my chances of finding a meaningful relationship really determined by age? Forget optimism. Yesterday I read this, and I don’t feel very fond of my playful brain anymore [smile]. So let’s not kid ourselves with the exceptions to the "rules”, or with happily-ever-after “Woody Allens”. Thinking about it, age does influence most of our (impulsive and serious) decisions in life.
I do believe there’s someone out there for everyone. So I’ll put this... daring “younger” guy on my “maybe” list, for now. And in case I decide to ‘go cougar’, I’ll get back to him [wink] or I’ll advertise ‘my offering’ in the appropriate younger group, and see who’s up for this challenge [smile].