Thursday, July 19, 2018

iLo on Men: Who Needs a Sexiness MOT?

by iLo Ivy (writer), Citizen of planet Earth, October 06, 2011

Credit: Image via iiNotes
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If you’re a prude wannabe you may skip my column, now. Go! Click away. But don’t come running back here, when you find out your better half is flirting with his work colleague (yep that one).

Or worse, that he might be cheating on you. I’m not saying he should; but the truth is, regardless of what everyone else thinks, how many papers you both signed, how much that wedding did cost, how many children (dogs, cats or cars) you have together… He is a man, darling! Meaning, he’s genetically predisposed to ‘want some’, when he needs it. And by some I mean genuine attention, which leads to affection, and could also translate into some sex. That’s right. And can you blame him? Erm… Nope!

Now, I’m sure at some point, you’ve probably been threatened by another female, whom you don’t even know, simply because your guy just glanced at her. How many times do we need to go over this? That’s one of the most unattractive traits, which could be affecting your “SexiMeter”. Just because a guy is exercising his right to look at another human being, whom he might find attractive, it doesn’t mean he’s going to do the worst (whatever that might be in your scared mind). He’s simply admiring another type of beauty, like we like roses, for instance [smile].

And so should you, if you actually think there’s something to be admired in another girl. You don’t need to go all closed-minded, or extremely out of your way. For once, just look around you, without the weight of worry on your shoulders. Let your man live a little! Have you ever heard the expression, “Get hungry outside, then eat at home”? Or something like that… I actually prefer the, “Just because he’s on a diet, it doesn’t mean he can’t look at the menu”. If you see what I mean [wink].

People in serious or committed relationships don’t do each other any positive favors by holding on to fake opinions, based on (an unfounded version of) “respect”, simply to make their partner “feel better”, about something they don’t remotely believe in, in the first place. I always choose direct openness with a touch of sweetness. Even when a man tells you, “I wasn’t looking”, believe me, he was! And you know it.

So, would you rather hear and explore what he actually saw, and maybe laugh at it? Or would you pretend to not care, and act all he-should-only-have-eyes-for-me, when you’ve just seen, with your own pair of eyes, that his eyes aren’t just for you? There are over six billion people on the planet! What’s with the whole “look at me, and only me” line? There’s a big difference between looking and doing. What’s the big deal? If however, he really feels the need to ‘do’ something (or someone else), for sure you have some share of responsibility in that. Yep, you read right.

I do empathize, at some level, with ladies who have had previous unpleasant experiences, which have affected their views on trust. But this isn’t the main point here. Every story has two sides to it, even in cultures with a notoriously promiscuous male (I won’t name names, you know who you are, gracias). When someone feels the need to go elsewhere to look for something else – beliefs aside – he (or she) really needs that something or someone else, for whatever reason. Point blank.

I’m not here to give you a medal for indulging in self-pity. I’m here to tell you, get your “sweet” together if you’re one of those who takes your man for granted. And I’m assuming your guy deserves you! So I’m not justifying unfaithfulness. I’m looking at it from a practical angle. It’s very easy to look at people’s actions without even trying to understand why those take place. Usually, we all think we have nothing to do with it. When someone “does something to us”, we all like playing, “It wasn’t me”. This isn’t about blame; it’s about taking responsibility (a wider topic for even another conversation).

Believe it or not, sexiness isn’t just about physical attributes. Sexiness is an attitude, a state of mind; and we’re all capable of expressing ourselves in a sexy manner. I’ve been around (the world) and I’ve seen some incredible sights in the most unlikely places. I’ve heard men compliment women, who in some cultures would seem “unattractive” (matter of opinion, as everything under The Law of Gravity). And equally, I’ve seen (straight) men reject (physically) attractive women, because ‘they’ weren’t sexy or interesting enough, according to them. It doesn’t happen often that a man turns down ‘beauty’, but it does happen.

So, make sure you’re doing your part, without underestimating the all-important concept of sexiness, is all I’m saying. Stop thinking about it as a taboo word, which is only meant for a bimbo or a “slut”. In case you need a little push with the whole thing, let me give you some examples to illustrate, effortless, (and perhaps surprising) sexy behavior.

Yes, he has a name, but he’s also your “baby”, your “sweetheart”, or even your “papi”. Sure, you can go all JLo on him! Yes, he likes his boy stuff, but surely he would appreciate a lovely massage, just before going to sleep (dare I say that boring word). Keep your ‘undies’ in check girl; wear them (or rip them off) only when needed… Don’t overdo your make up, but surely use make up to do “it” (of course, I meant him). Give him space, make him miss you, but feed him well, when is “back”.

Yes, social pressures make us all feel exhausted, but just because we chose to be more equal to men, it doesn’t mean, he isn’t entitled to some sweet loving treatment. Listen to him! No really, listen! We love talking (and nagging) because we think we are the bellybutton of humanity, since we can carry another human being for nine months, and the rest about “Bloody Mary”. But emotional (genuine) concern for our guy is priceless. Engage in some interesting and even unusual topics, for a change!

The world economy isn’t in good shape; but tradition is still charming. Let him treat you once in a while. Let him be the man you want, deep inside your delicate female self. Help him more, by putting yourself in his shoes, sometimes. Not only you will laugh, be surprised and see a different view of the world; but you will also become a sexier babe, by being a more secure you. And guys, I do hope you’re behaving out there, and for sure reading in between the lines [wink].

About the Writer

iLo Ivy is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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1 comments on iLo on Men: Who Needs a Sexiness MOT?

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By LaurenK on October 25, 2011 at 02:07 am

Whilst I see the point your making and agree with you to a certain extent I do think that there are times that this just simply isn't the case. For instance, if you are with someone who has a character disorder eg. sociopath or narcissist - sometimes you can be doing "everything" for very little, trying to work out every little inch of yourself and what you could do better, and your partner will still lie and cheat.

Sometimes it doesn't have anything to do with you. I've seen this happen to people very close to me (thankfully it hasn't happened to me). I see how insane they go trying to work out what they've done wrong and how they can make it better, but sometimes you can't, sometimes there isn't two sides to the story. When that happens - RUN!

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