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Dancing With the Stars – Season 13 Cast List Leaked

by D. E. Carson (writer), , August 29, 2011

It’s just not worth wasting the time to watch anymore

The official announcement will happen tonight following ABC’s Bachelor Pad, but rumors abound that the cast list has been leaked via Twitter. Tsk, tsk on whomever it was that did this. You might want to start polishing your resume…

That being said, the unofficial list has made the rounds on the Internet and this writer has no intention of being left in the dust. So, here are the 12 stars allegedly appearing on Season 13 of Dancing with the Stars…and from the looks of this list, it would seem that thirteen is definitely NOT going to be a lucky number.

Elisabetta Canalis – You remember her, that vision of loveliness who used to adorn the perennial bachelor George Clooney’s arm? She will now adorn the arm of one of DWTS' male professional dancers and probably still look better than George...

Ron Artest – or is his name now officially “Metta World Peace”? Well, not just yet. According to the L.A. Lakers, he can’t change his name until he gets some traffic violations cleared up. So for now, he’s just good ol’ Ron Artest. By the way, what does Metta World Peace even mean?

Nancy Grace – yes, THAT Nancy Grace; the judge, jury and executioner for Casey Anthony in the court of public opinion. We should all be grateful that she is no longer practicing law for real.

Kristin Cavallari – Formerly of the TV series “The Hills”. Obligatory rude comment withheld for obvious reasons.

Ricki Lake – Still looking for that silver bullet to cure her yo-yo weight problem no doubt.

Chynna Phillips – One of the many daughters of the late John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas. Chynna’s mother is hot Mama Michelle Phillips. Chynna rose to fame in the 1980s as one-third of the vocal group Wilson Phillips – the other two thirds consisted of sisters Carne and Wendy Wilson, daughters of Beach Boy Brian Williams.

Hope Solo – No relation to Han we’re sure, but still it’s nice to have attractive female athletes to watch. It’s nice to see them dress up for a change.

David Arquette – the former Mr. Courtney Cox is going to show us if he really knows how to cut a rug. The big question is will either of his sisters show up to support him? Can we count on seeing Courtney in the house? We’re guessing not.

Robert Kardashian, Jr. – Son of the late Robert Kardashian of the O.J. Simpson defense team and baby brother to the three Kardashian sisters whose names currently escape us right now, but most assuredly, someone out there knows who they are. Maybe this will propel the family into the main spotlight and the Kardashian name will become a household word…

Ryan O’Neal – One word: Really???

J.R. Martinez – We’ll give this guy kudos just for showing up. He currently stars on ABC’s All My Children as a former military man injured while serving in Iraq. He is a real-life U.S. Army infantryman who was injured in Iraq. Martinez could have curled up in a ball of self-pity over what happened to him, but instead he spends much of his time as a motivational speaker having already spoken to several veteran’s groups, schools and corporate organizations. The fact that he hasn’t let his injury deter him from living life should be a testament to all of us.

Chaz Bono – Formerly Chastity Bono, the daughter of singer Cher and the late Sonny Bono, Chaz is now the son of Cher and the late Sonny Bono. Bono made headlines when deciding to undergo gender reassignment surgery and now speaks on behalf of those categorized as “transgender”.

In 2009, this writer proclaimed Season 8 as the year DWTS “jumped the shark” (a reference to an episode of Happy Days when Fonzie jumped over a shark tank and the series went downhill from there; the term has become ubiquitous for when any series reaches its peak and begins to decline in quality regardless of ratings) when it listed Apple Computer co-founder Steve Wozniack among its cast members. Suffice it to say in the subsequent seasons, DWTS has proven conclusively that the shark has not only been jumped, but has been turned back out to sea. It is time for ABC to put this franchise to bed or insist that BBC America (producers of the program) work a little harder to find stars that everyone can watch and enjoy.

About the Writer

D. E. Carson is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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2 comments on Dancing With the Stars – Season 13 Cast List Leaked

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By D. E. Carson on August 29, 2011 at 08:42 pm

Okay folks, here it is. As I said in the article, the list was not official. As of 9:28 EDT, I have one change already to make:

Carson Kressley - that lovable fashion expert formerly of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy will be showing us his dance moves on the stage. This one is official.

Officially joining Kressley will be David Arquette, Ricki Lake, Ron Artest, Kristin Cavallari and Chyna Phillips. These six have been officially announced. Stay tuned as ABC releases the next six sometime between now and 10:00 p.m. EDT.

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By D. E. Carson on August 29, 2011 at 09:00 pm

Okay, we got it. The official list: Ryan O'Neal is out, Carson Kressley is in. The rest of the list is exactly as written. Sometimes it pays to troll through the twitter and blogosphere..

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