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Sunday, May 20, 2018

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A petition has been presented to the Canadian House of Commons requesting comprehensive legislation to affect immediate protection of Bigfoot under the Canadian species at risk act. (I am not making this up!) Canadian MP Mike Lake has said he wants to sponsor this legislation based on the 500 signatures of his Edmonton, Alberta constituents. The petition was presented to the parliament and is scheduled for debate next week. Supporting Mr. Lake is Mr. Todd Standing; a Bigfoot researcher who believes Bigfoot is in danger of extinction, along with others of the species. Standing claims to... Read More

Someone asked me to write an article about being a freelance advertising copywriter. Well, it used to be called freelancing, back when I started in this business more than two decades ago. Now it's called contracting. Which, in a way, shows how much things have changed. Freelancing conjures up visuals of flip-flops and Vaurnets, back in the days when you needed a typesetter. Things were much more mellow back then. You could get away with playing the distant, quirky, creative type. It was okay if you're dressed casual, and slept in your car the night before. I told my parents back home that... Read More

Let me preface this by saying two things: 1. A crazy bitch lives in my apartment building. She's extremely loud, highly dramatic and volatile. I have never met Crazy Bitch. But I hear her yelling ALL OF THE TIME. Is she ever happy? Or at least calm? Who knows? But one thing's for sure: She's one crazy-ass BITCH. (Crazy Bitch, if you read this, I was talking about some OTHER crazy bitch. Please don't hurt me! Kisses.) 2. Two hookers used to live in my apartment--Unit #1. In other words, they conducted BUSINESS in exchange for COMPENSATION where I now eat my breakfast, burn my CDs, take my... Read More

Since the first few months of this year has included no small amount of controversial and downright shocking events, and since this great site has lately been held hostage by an unnervingly myopic tone coming from some of the recent contributions to its pages, I figured it was high time I wake from my writing hibernation and offer up a couple of pennies to any one who might be interested in them. One thing is for certain Academy award winning actor, Sean Penn, has taken no time off in voicing his opinion about the war and most specifically the President's handling of it. Thursday evening... Read More

Cleaning up the sticky mess will take several days, according to Union Pacific officials. The 52-year-old train was carrying a variety of cargo from Dupo, Ill., and on its way to Los Angeles, when it fell off the track and dumped the thick, chunky dressing into a small canal. In a new development, a handful of Southern California sports bars have volunteered to donate two tons of spicy chicken wings and 400 lbs. of carrot and celery sticks to help absorb the spilled dressing. Various fast food chains are also offering lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers and croutons. Aretha Pearles, spokesman... Read More

EXT. THE PEARLY GATES, HEAVEN - DAY There are a group Catholic priests milling about in front of a pair of very large pearly colored gates. One priest is talking into an intercom attached to the gates. PRIEST #1 "Hello, GOD are you there?" POV OF PRIEST#1 FACE Priest #1 looks to the rest of the group. PRIEST #1 (CONT'D) (uneasy) "There's no answer." WIDE SHOT OF GROUP OF PRIESTS The group looks around, up and down, for a sign of GOD. One priest responds: Priest #2 "For Christ's sake, he's gotta be here, this is Heaven, try it again." Before Priest #1 can try again, there is a booming,... Read More

Last week a report on the "likelihood" that humans are to blame for global warming was released by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). In their report it was found that humans are "likely" and "very likelyt" to be responsible for the Earth's increasingly warm temperatures. The authors defined the word "likely" as between 66 percent to 90 percent probable and the words "very likely" as 90 to 99 percent probable. Now after reading about all this verbal nitpicking, I was somehow reminded of the not too distant past when President Clinton was grilled on whether he had sexual... Read More

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