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Tuesday, April 24, 2018

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I lost my family long ago. Some to the ground…some to major forks in the road. The ones in the ground I visit as often as time allows. The others…those who are still alive but have conveniently moved on, I have blessed and released. That is what we do these days when we have no interest in working through conflict.

You see, my relatives are a diehard band of boozers and if you know anything about drunks, they have a tendency to hash over the small shit. Then in the morning, pretend nothing happened. We’d pass the flapjacks…pour the maple syrup…and smile through heartache and hangover... Read More

Cows look dumb and lumber slowly but believe it or not, they are extremely curious. One day as a child, my sister,cousin and I sat on the edge of a stream to eat a picnic, realizing to late that a herd of cattle surrounded us on three sides to get a closer look at us. My heart was pounding as we gathered up our lunch, huddled closely together and facing the cattle, slowly edged away. I swear those steers followed us every step of the way, never taking their eyes off us. It was an eerie experience, the stuff of nightmares.

The old saying "curiosity killed the cat, should really say "... Read More

My father has lost one of his hearing aids again. I think this is the fifth time since the New Year. Frequently he finds them in the pocket of a sport coat or a pair of pants, but unfortunately that little device doesn’t seem to be holed up in the usual hideouts. We decided to check the washer and dryer…to no avail… and then the ol’ vacuum bag, but that’s when things went south.

My parents had just purchased a new carpet sweeper. Not a Eureka from Sears or a Dirt Devil from Walmart…but the Valhalla of all vacuums…The Kirby Sentria. The crème de la crème deluxe model that costs upwards... Read More

Your invited to go along for the fun. According th Business Insider on May 12, Branson will fly on Air Asia Group with its CEO Tony Fernandes on a flight from Perth, Australia to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. What's somewhat unusual is that the tycoon will be wearing a red skirt during the 6 hour trip.

Sir Richard is making good on the bet that he lost to Fernandes in 2010, about whose Formula One team would be ranked higher. Fernandes' Lotus Racing team beat Virgins and now Branson will serve as a flight attendant the Air Asia flight.

Seats are now on sale from $420 USD on the one-way... Read More

Dear Ely,

My new girlfriend is jealous, obsessive, and possessive. She reads my e-mails and goes through my phone to check my calls, texts, and pictures. She gets furious if I talk to other women. I think she might be psychotic, and I know she’s dangerous. “If you leave me, I’ll hunt you down.” “If I ever catch you with another woman, I’ll kill the bitch. Then I’ll kill you.” These are the types of things she says to me every day. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks! I want to get away from her, but I’m afraid she’ll actually carry out her threats. She carries a knife... Read More

My husband and a rather eccentric friend had driven up to the Quebec side, in the Canadian Shield, to fish in one of the thousands of lakes which surround us. Driving home in the twilight they inadvertently drove over a porcupine. Now Michael and his friend P.J. had lived in the wilderness for a few months after university, surviving on fish, an old turtle, rice and coffee. Never one to waste good organic meat, P.J. immediately yelled,

” Mike, pull over. Porcupine is good eating.”

This was the opportunity of a lifetime. Porcupines are protected because they are easy to kill... Read More

The relationship between man and beast is an interesting one. What is it about dogs that tempts us to repeat the age-old phrase, "dogs are man's best friend"? My husband contends that we love to make pets out of animals because without free will, they simply absorb all our affection and reflect undivided loyalty back to us. We revel in such devotion and inadvertently become part of a dog's pack as he bonds with us in a deep manner. This dynamic works for my husband because he is always the alpha of the pack but not for me. Why I don't even make the beta position. Nope I am usually the omega.... Read More

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